zbliża się koniec roku szkolnego, to niewiarygodne, że piszę o tak oczywistych sprawach. mam sporo imprez po drodze. zaliczyłam wszystkie przedmioty, nawet próbna matura z polskiego się napisała na 68/70 pky! nie jestem z siebie zadowolona. dlaczego nie 70?

na przekór wszystkim mam zamiar wizytować instytucję edukacji w jej ostatnich dniach tego roku, czytaj: przyszły tydzień będzie jedynym tygodniem, w którym moja frekwencja wyniesie 100%.

/lukrecjowe sny/

Jeff Buckley na depresję.


When I passed you in the doorway
You took me with a glance
Should have took that last bus home
But I asked you for a dance
Now we were steady to the pictures
I always get chocolate stains on my pants
Father says "he's going crazy"
Says I'm livin' in a trance,

Dancing in the moonlight
It's caught me in its spotlight,
It's alright, it's alright, the moonlight
This long, hot summer night

It's three o'clock in the morning, I'm on the streets again
Disobeyed another warning, Shoulda been home by ten
Now I stay out 'till Sunday, I have to say I stayed with friends
It's a habit worth forming, It's a means to justify the end

Dancing in the moonlight
It's caught me in its spotlight,
It's alright, it's alright, the moonlight
This long, hot summer night

I'm walking home
Last bus is long gone

"Dancing in the Moonlight" JEFF BUCKLEY

oh, nienawidzę złośliwości rzeczy martwych. mam kilka rzeczy do wrzucenia na DA, ale skaner odmówił posłuszeństwa.

wsłuchuję się w NIN, Magnifico, trochę Tori Amos i kilku innych.

i'm losing ground
well you know how this world can beat you down
and i'm made of clay
i fear i'm the only one who thinks this way
i'm always falling down the same hill
bamboo puncturing this skin
and nothing comes bleeding out of me just like a waterfall i'm drowning in
2 feet below the surface i can still make out your wavy face
and if i could just reach you maybe i could leave this place

i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this

and don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
you don't know just how i feel

i stay inside my bed
i have lived so many lives all in my head
and don't tell me that you care
there really isn't anything. now is there?
you would know. wouldn't you?
you extend your hand to those who suffer
to those who know what it really feels like
to those who have had a taste
like that means something
and oh so sick i am
and maybe i don't have a choice
and maybe that is all i have
and maybe this is a cry for help

i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this

and don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
you don't know just how i feel

i want to know everything
i want to be everywhere
i want to fuck everyone in the world
and i want to do something that matters

"I Do Not Want This" NINE INCH NAILS

And you know you're gonna lie to you
In your own way
And you know you're gonna lie to you
In your own way

And I lie some other day
You do
And you say girl
Know too well
Know the chill
Know she breaks
My siren
Know teenage flesh
Know the chill
Know she breaks
My siren

Never was one for a prissy girl
Coquette call in for an ambulance
Reach high, doesn't mean she's holy
Just means she's got a cellular handy
Almost brave, almost pregnant
Almost in love
Vanilla
Vanilla

And you know you're gonna lie to you
In your own way
And you know you're gonna lie to you
In your own way

And you don't need the light on
To guide you through the southern lands
Go said go, yes

Know too well
Know the chill
Know she breaks
My siren
Know teenage flesh
Know the chill
Know she breaks
My siren

Never was one for a prissy girl
Coquette call in for an ambulance
Reach high, doesn't mean she's holy
Just means she's got a cellular handy
Almost brave, almost pregnant
Almost in love
Vanilla...

"Siren" TORI AMOS

moja mantra na conajmniej kilkadziesiąt kolejnych dni.

...everything is really good fucked up. hah. life...

mam coraz mniej czasu.

"Sweet little words made for silence
Not talk
Young heart for love
Not heartache
Dark hair for catching the wind
Not to veil the sight of a cold world

Kiss while your lips are still red
While he`s still silent
Rest while bosom is still untouched, unveiled
Hold another hand while the hand`s still without a tool
Drown into eyes while they`re still blind
Love while the night still hides the withering dawn

First day of love never comes back
A passionate hour`s never a wasted one
The violin, the poet`s hand,
Every thawing heart plays your theme with care

Kiss while your lips are still red
While he`s still silent
Rest while bosom is still untouched, unveiled
Hold another hand while the hand`s still without a tool
Drown into eyes while they`re still blind
Love while the night still hides the withering dawn"

NIGHTWISH - While Your Lips Are Still Red

mam dużo nauki i mnóstwo spraw na głowie. jak wszyscy. i pseudomiłosne komplikacje.
poza tym czuję się odrzucana.

"do you know it doesn't hurt me?"

mimo wszystkich tych pozorów, w Wertera płci żeńskiej się nie zamieniłam, daleko mi do jego tandetnych ciuchów i beznadziejnego samobójstwa.

"step by step, heart to heart, left, right, left, we all fall down like toy soldiers"

pójdę na dwa koncerty.

"nothing compares, nothing compares to you"

podniosłam się po upadku i zmierzam równią pochyłą.

jadę do Budapesztu na plener, pierdolę te cholerne badania.

"i feel it, tearing at my soul while i'm asleep, i feel it, if it doesn't stop i'll go insane"

wiosna wraca do nas wraz z ptakami, jak na skrzydłach

i think, i do love. |you|